Last day of class today! YES!!! No more of this shit ever again. Hopefully that is... But man, what a way to start the week. I woke up on Monday feeling kinda sick and when I woke up on tuesday I really became sick! Like what the fuck man, it's my last week and I get a fucking cold. That means i can't be drinking or so this week..... What a bad timing...

Other than the sickness, things are going well. Got a paper due on friday, and then the weekend is mine, and then one final and a take home final and that's it. I think I'm going to go home for a little bit, get a hair cut and all, my hair right now is HORRIBLE. Looks like crap, not even funny.

-Wil

Another day has passed by. What was 2 weeks, now feels like an eternity. That is how I feel right now. I haven't spoken to her in almost two weeks, and yet today out of all the days, I yearn for her... How do I get over this? With Crystal back then I was able to get over her by not deleting all forms of contact with her and by not talking to her. But what really helped me get over her, was by talking to a different girl, by going out and hanging out with my friends and even then I didn't really get over her till had you.... Now that I don't have you, what should I do?

I've always believed that I was very strong minded. A man that could handle these obstacles and challenges. I thought that I could endure and adapt. But today, for some reason today, I just feel like breaking down... I'm tired... I'm tired of flings, tired of hooking up with this girl that I don't even like... To be honest, I feel miserable... I feel hopelessly attached to you.

The past couple of days, images of the past kept popping into my head. The times when we made out, the times when we held hands, the times when we walked to BMCC so that you can go to class... I miss it... I miss going out to dinners with you, sharing good food with you... I miss the nightly calls from you where you say dumb things to piss me off. But what I missed the most is just the ability to be able to share every minute of my life with you when I was with you.

Everytime I think about you, I smile because I think about all the good times that happened with us, all the times where we laughed, yelled, kissed, and hugged. But then the thought of what has happened in the past 2 months comes up and it erases my smile... Especially when you told me that you were going to stay in veromnt for the summer. Like really, the only time that I can spend some time with you, and you'll take it away from me? The only time where I can try to salvage what's left of our relationship and you just destroy it... Is money THAT important?

I ask you to come to my college for spring break, you said no because you wanted to go see your family. Okay fine, then now for the entire summer you're not going to see your family and you're okay with that? Your family is going to be okay with that? Really? Why did I let myself get attached to you? I told myself last year that I didn't want to be in a relationship again. That I didn't want to have to feel miserable again... And yet I am feeling miserabale again! You broke my guard and made me open up to you, and then you just walk away, telling me that you are afraid of hurting me by doing something with some guy. That you can't commit, that I deserve better. All of these excuses, I've had enough! Do you know how hard it is to want to care but can't? To have HOPE, but only to have it taken away by the very same person you like? I hate you... I hate you and I won't forgive you. I won't ever see you again. I was debating whether I should come visit you when I come back home early from spring break just to be with you. But not anymore. I hate you....

Wilfred Wong

No classes today! Yay!!! Everything feels so smooth and great. So tired of everything. Yesterday I mailed out a card to her, along with a gift I guess. It was something that she wanted. Even though I say that I don't think about her any more, I guess I just can't help but do some things hahaha. I wonder does that constitute as not being able to let go? Life is so funny, when the person is with you, you just don't cherish it the way you should. But when that person isn't with you anymore you start to miss that person and you just want to see that person every second.

After sending out that card I thought, "oh shit maybe I was a bit harsh." But, it's fine... Perhaps it's better this way. There's no point in being close with someone like her when she doesn't even take the effort to tell me things or confide in me. Be close friends my ass... You're telling me we're gonna be close friends but all you do to care is by txting? Really? Right great job. Instead of hoping for something for us, why not just sever all ties and let us walk our separate paths? I mean, how much can a person care for another if there are no interactions? She probably isn't hurt at all, if anything she's too "busy" to feel anything. Fucking hate that so much, I'm too busy. Oh really, too busy? Okay, so you're not busy hanging out with your friends chatting and stuff? Wtvs... I have no more hope for this girl, that's why this last gift of mine, was necessary. Yea, it was necessary...

-Wilfred